


Bless You, Sasquatch

by gingerdean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Common Cold, Dean is Not Amused, Gen, Grumpy Dean, Sickfic, Sneezing, pointless really, sam has a cold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerdean/pseuds/gingerdean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for tarotgal's 2014 comment fic meme:<br/>Prompt: Sam's sneezes are sudden, explosive, loud, and always startle Dean when he tries to concentrate on something.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Bless You, Sasquatch

Dean startled abruptly out of his sleep, the cool metal of his pistol beneath his fisted hand.  
He squinted and attempted to clear the cobwebs from his head, as he tried to determine the cause of his rude awakening. He could swear it sounded like a freight train had screamed directly past his head. Or, it was...

" _huurREEEESSSHSSHH_ 'HAH!"

Dean jolted again in surprise. _Or, it was just Sammy_. Dean sighed. This was going to be a long fucking day.

It was no surprise to Dean that Sam was coming down with something. He had seen it coming since yesterday morning. His brother was just a bit more sluggish than usual, his face a shade paler than normal, his voice just a slight register lower than it should be. They were nearly indiscernible signs of an impending cold, but Dean could see it coming from a mile away. Hell, usually Dean could tell when Sam was getting sick even before Sam knew.

Apparently, Sam was now well past the preliminaries of his illness, and had moved full force into the brunt of the cold, leaving him a sniffling, congested, sneezing mess. And when the sneezing started up, it was quite a spectacle.

Sam's cold sneezes were nothing like his normal, everyday sneezes. When he wasn't sick, or was dealing with the hay fever that occasionally plagued him, Sam's sneezes were, well... normal. Sometimes when his allergies got really bad, he would be prone to frequent fits of sneezes, which would often present themselves in clusters of three or four at a time. But aside from that, there was nothing particularly...noteworthy about his sneezing. The same could not be said, however, for when Sam was battling a cold.

No, Sam's cold sneezes were fucking LOUD. More than that, they were gigantic, abrupt, thunderous monstrosities that constantly kept Dean's nerves tattered and on edge. Watching Sam sneeze when he had a cold often brought to Dean's mind visions of some of the more violent exorcisms he had witnessed. The sneezes, more often than not, would hit Sam hard and fast, allowing him no warning with which to brace himself against the startling explosions. Sometimes, when a more violent sneeze took hold of him, Sam would spasm forward so sudden and fast, Dean was certain he would give himself whiplash in the process.

Dean squinted at the alarm clock, which read 5:45am. _Three freaking hours of sleep. Awesome. Thanks, Sammy_. He wrenched his neck the other direction to find Sam sitting at his computer with his eyes half- mast, mouth hanging open, and hands dangling a tissue limply in front of his face. Dean sighed. _Great, he's gonna do it again. Ah well, at least I have some warning this time_.

Dean watched in mild amusement as Sam sat with a frozen, almost comical pre-sneeze face for what felt to Dean to be an eternity, his right nostril twitching ever so slightly. Dean rolled his eyes. _What the hell is he doing? What a nerd_. Dean waited impatiently for the impending outburst which was to follow, but eventually, the threatening sneeze apparently left Sam, and he lowered the tissue, groaning and sniffing hard. Dean was just starting to relax and allow himself to drift off to sleep again when.....

"hhhr _EEESSHHHOoo_! hh'UII _IIIIISHHH_ hah!"

Dean bolted straight up in his bed, throwing the covers off in exasperation. "Jesus _Christ_ " Dean mumbled to himself, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his hand.  
  
Sam looked over at Dean obliviously, with tired, puffy eyes. "Hey, you're awake."  
  
"No shit", Dean grumbled. He knew his brother felt like crap, but... _dammit_. Dean was exhausted himself, and unfortunately, in a particularly crabby mood this morning. It was taking all of his restraint to keep from bitching at his brother for interrupting the first decent sleep he had enjoyed in almost a week. One look at Sam's miserable state, however, caused Dean to stop short.

Dean bit his tongue and sighed. "Geez Sammy, you think you can keep it to a lower decibel level before you get our asses kicked out of here?" Okay, not the kindest morning greeting in the world, but it was a huge improvement from what threatened to leave his mouth several seconds earlier.

Sam sneered at Dean. "Oh cobe on. You're beig ridiculous. I'b dot _THAT_ loud.."

"Dude, have you heard yourself this morning, or did you blow out your eardrums already? It's not even six am, man. _Normal_ people are still sleeping right now."

Sniff. "I cad’t _help_ it, Dean. Ad eved if we do get kicked out, who cares? We're leavig town id a couple hours adyway."

Dean scratched underneath his chin, frowning. "Yeah, about that...I think maybe we should stay here, you know...lay low for one more day before we head out. You really could use some rest before we go diving into a new case."

Sam rubbed his forehead lightly, wincing. "Dah, let's just leave today. Bobby'll be expectig us, and _hhHHHH'EEEEEESSSHSHSEWWW_ W!" Sam snapped forward with a sudden, violent sneeze, his body nearly folding in half from the effort.

“Bless you.” Dean shook his head, eyes narrowed in concern. "Seriously, dude, you look _terrible_. C'mon, let's just take it easy today. Come back to bed."

Sam slumped in his chair, considering this. "Hodestly Dean, I'd rather just get to Bobby's. This place is a craphole, ad these beds are awful. I thik I'd be bore cobfortable sleepig on a pile of fuckig rocks."

Sam did have a point, Dean decided. Sam would be more comfortable at Bobby’s, and he could get a good meal in him once they got there. Bobby had a hunt lined up for them, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t wait an extra day or two, so Sam would have time to recuperate once they got there.

Once showered and dressed, Dean worked on Sam's computer and sipped his stale hotel coffee while Sam showered. Dean cringed at the painful sounding sneezes erupting from the bathroom. Even through the hotel wall, his sneezes still sounded like a freaking cannon going off. Dean sighed and rolled his eyes again. _Poor kid_.

Dean was intensely focused on searching for leads for their upcoming hunt, and was only vaguely aware of Sam emerging from the bathroom and taking a seat on the bed directly behind him. He was just getting ready to take another sip of his coffee when:

"he'EE _EEEEEESSSHCHTT'tuh_!"

Dean's entire body jolted involuntarily in response, resulting in Dean dumping piping hot coffee right down the front of his shirt. Dean howled in pain as he jumped up from his chair, rattling off a litany of expletives directed towards his noisy brother and the coffee which now resided on his shirt. Sam guiltily retrieved a towel from the bathroom and made a feeble attempt at assisting Dean in toweling himself dry. Dean squirmed away from Sam's reach and stomped into the bathroom to clean himself up for the second time that morning.  
  
Once on the road, Dean felt himself becoming increasingly on edge. The only thing as distracting as the explosive sneezing erupting from the seat next to him, was the violent convulsing which accompanied each sneeze. Dean was sure Sam was going to slam his head into the dash and knock himself out at some point.  
  
Two hours and at least twenty sneezes later, Dean sighed, and smacked the steering wheel hard with the palm of his hand. "Ok, _seriously_ man. You are going to have to start giving me some warning or...or _something_. I mean... _shit_ , Sam. I'm gonna end up driving us right off the damn road."  
  
Sam blew his nose and sniffed thickly. "If I _could_ give you sobe warding, I would Dean. Hell, I'd like sobe warning byself, but...It just hits be, you gnow? Like a fuckig two-by-four. I cad't _help_ it."

Dean's frustration melted away, and was replaced by all-too-familiar feelings of guilt and sympathy towards his ailing brother. He knew what Sam was saying was true. Hell, he and Sam have had this same conversation with every cold Sam has suffered through since he was twelve. Still, it perplexed Dean to no end that his brother, Mr. Psychic Wonder Boy, could be so constantly and profoundly caught offguard by his own freaking bodily functions.

A short time later, Dean felt something tapping on his right shoulder. He turned to see Sam absently waving his hand towards him. He was squinting and nodding at Dean, a deep frown fixed on his forehead. Dean gave a quick nod of understanding, saluted Sam to show his approval, then gripped the wheel of his Baby, bracing himself.

"hi! _hiiiiii_! ...huh..H _IIIIIIIII_!.....hett- _chink_ -ah!"

Dean blinked. He sat silently, waiting for the other shoe to drop. It didn't. Sam sniffed mightily and let out a deep, satisfied sigh.

Dean looked at Sam incredulously. "Dude...what the hell was that?"

Sam gave Dean a confused look. "huh?"

"I said, what kind of a girly, pansy-ass sneeze was that? I finally get one step ahead of the game on this, and _that's_ what you give me? Come on!"

Sam stared at Dean, speechless at first. Then he threw up his hands in exasperation. "What the _hell_ , Dean! You bitch at be all day tellig be I sdneeze too dabn loud, and dow you're mad at be for sdneezing too _quietly_? I just cad't wid with you, man!" Sam turned towards the window, arms across his chest.

The Winchester boys sat stewing in silence for several minutes. Finally Sam glanced over at his brother with narrowed eyes. Dean looked back at Sam with a sly, apologetic smile. A huge grin spread across Sam's face. And at that, the brothers busted out into a fit of laughter which they hadn't enjoyed the likes of in several years. Then, just as the laughter was dying down:

 

" _eeeEEEAAATTSS_ shooo! -- _hhhrRRESSSHHH_ 'OOO!! --h'eee _EEEESHH'HAH_! --eee _EEEEESHH_ 'hhuh!" Sam bobbed back and forth in his seat helplessly, as an intense sneezing fit overtook him. When he finished, he collapsed bonelessly into his seat in the aftermath. He slowly opened his eyes and looked over at his brother, sheepishly.

Dean looked back at his brother in awe, shaking his head. "Wow. Now _that_ was impressive, even for you." Dean nudged Sam with his elbow. "That's what you get for trying to hold 'em in like that. Next time just let ‘er rip, okay Sasquatch?"

Sam rolled his eyes. He knew that was the closest thing to an apology as he was going to get from Dean. He was sure that Dean was done complaining about his explosive sneezing habits, though...at least for a few hours, anyway. He smiled, closed his eyes and felt himself drifting off into a light sleep.


End file.
